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| Christmas Cake Recipe | |
| You'll need the following: | |
| 1 cup of water 1 cup of sugar 4 large brown eggs 1 bottle of whisky Lemon juice Nuts |
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt 1 cup of brown sugar |
| Sample
the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again.
To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still
OK. Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl
and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit
gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver. Sample the
whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease
the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the
turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go
to bed.
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| The three wise
men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men
was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered
the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he shouted. Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary;
it's better than Clyde!"
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| Q: How many
angels can dance on the head of a pin? A: Nowadays, only four angels can dance there. Formerly there was no limit, but OSHA passed the Angel Safety Law recently, which also requires that the pin must be inspected twice each year for structural defects. |
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| Q:
Why do we hear so many bells at Christmas time? A: Because so many people ring them. |
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| Santa's Lap
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what
would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and
horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
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| How did
Rudolph know Santa fell out of the sleigh? He felt a rein-drop. |
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| No Gift This
Year One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law
a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a
gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used
the gift I bought you last year!"
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| Christmas
Pun 2 One Christmas, Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle of
a pasture. A shepard leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across
the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross
it. Desperate, the shepard began tugging them to the other side. "Look at
that," remarked Phil to Will. "That guy is trying to pull the wool over
our ice!"
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Signs You Bought A Bad Christmas Tree * It's two feet tall,
forty feet wide |
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Little
Johnny's Christmas |
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| Merry Christmas and have a wonderful and safe New Year! | |